The Bohemian Experiment

Posts Tagged ‘Biking’

An Accidental Yesterday

Posted by beckert10 on May 6, 2010

One of those days when
I’m not sure
whether to feel good or bad
about my life.

Yesterday,
rocketing through vernal splendor
on my bicycle,
I felt so alive,
my joy untouchable,
indestructible.
All of the little plans I’d made for myself
seemed perfect,
even Godly.
King Midas with the wind in his face

Today,
seemingly hung-over from mania,
I set back out along the same route
hoping to rekindle that blissful
invulnerability.
Retracing my steps, I
found only restlessness,
like a junkie chasing a particularly clairvoyant high,
one of those rare moments
when life cannot touch us;
we exist outside.

But this night,
I was very much inside,
very much a sentient being
No more playing God.
My life seemed neither good nor bad,
important nor unimportant.
I sat very still in a spot, as if by
remaining motionless I would
become invisible,
forgotten.
I watched the sun disappear and
darkness set in.

Men pedaled by furiously, teeth gritted,
fighting the pain, or
perhaps issuing it a challenge.
Walkers sauntered past
wrapped in the coolness of the night.

I was bound to my spot by indifference,
caring less to try something else than to
ride the feeling out.
I’d chosen my mooring, a place where
couples dressed for dinner walked hand-in-hand,
joggers breathed self-loathing out through their mouths,
pigeons picked at the scraps of a crumbling empire,
old folks looked at things with more fear than fascination
and small children looked at things with more fascination than fear.

Fixed and stoic I remained among
so much nocturnal flotsam
not knowing at the time
I was hoping to
recapture the glory of a day gone by,
that I wasn’t restless, but desperate,
afraid that my joy had nothing whatsoever to do with myself
and everything to do
with chance.

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